A friend and I agreed to meet for dinner last week at a strip mall near where she attends a Toastmasters group. Kudos for going all in on self-improvement. Stacey suggested we eat at the Italian restaurant in the mall. Recalling a disappointing dining experience there, I suggested we meet in the parking lot at 5:00, and caravan to a better bistro a couple miles away.
The textversation that evening went like this:
Stacey-How about 445 in target parking lot. Text me and I’ll honk.
Me-Yep that works!
I arrive early and text to see if she’s waiting.
No reply. It’s too hot to wait in the car, so I decide to loiter under a shady tree in front of the restaurant. I soon discover the flaw in the I’ll honk plan. Every car lock signals with a beep. I head toward each chirp, craning my neck like a flamingo caught in a wind storm.
Soon my phone pings.
Ignore chirps for next 3 mins
Stacey-Here. I’ll honk I’m right in fro t tragedy
Tragedy?! Medical emergency? Dead body stuffed in grocery cart? Finding no lights and sirens in the area, I assume her attempt to type Target got hijacked by autocorrect. But wait a minute. Target’s at the other end of the lot. How am I supposed to hear honking all the way over there? Besides, we agreed to meet at Pasty Pasta. I start toward Target, then no. I’m on foot, she’s in her car. Plus she was the one who changed the plan. I text her my coordinates.
Me-I’m in front of Pasty.
Stacey-I’m at back parki car. Drive at end of target parking lot user me
I need an enigma machine to decipher her coded message.
At this point, I’m feeling faint from the heat and hiking back and forth across the parking lot. Just. Need. Food.
Me -Let’s eat at Pasty. It’s not that bad.
Me-I’ll meet you there.
Which is where I’ve been the entire time.
While waiting, I get to thinking, maybe once she masters, uh, toast, she’ll be hungry for more self-improvement. I Google Textmasters.
Vow to exclude her should I ever become involved in any spy missions.